My first BLOG!
As requested, here is my BLOG. I promise to be transparent on here about all of the REAL hard things in life. I'm going to probably make mistakes, and you might not agree with everything that I have to say, but my hope is that maybe one person can relate with me and know that my life isn't just the filters and angles that I post on social media, it's real. Let's be honest, if I take a picture where I think I look skinnier, or tanner or more put together than I am, i'm posting it.
So just to catch everyone up, I have two little kids, a WILD blue heeler puppy, some horses and a bunch of cats. My husband owns a construction company, and I am Nikula Mercantile. We're BUSY and when we get downtime we basically do nothing because we're so worn out.
Today was a hard day. I recently started working out again which has been such a needed outlet, so I started my day by getting my kids up and cartoons turned on (yes i'm a bad mom. They watch cartoons every morning but more as background noise while they start destroying the house), making them breakfast, then I got dressed and got my beachbody program all set up and ready. It took me about an hour and a half to do a 30 minute workout because it was just one of those days. The kids were both in destroyer mode. (If you don't already have kids I know you're probably thinking to yourself "how can a 6 month old destroy a house?" well let me tell you with the help of his brother and a puppy he can...)
Anyways, I was already in an irritable mood, which truth be told I think i've been in this mood since Monday. So when I started cleaning and found gross moldy fruit in the bottom of the fruit bowl it only added to my mood. Early afternoon rolls around and I just need a minute so I sit on the couch for a minute folding laundry and zoning out when I realized I didn't hear anything... the house was silent. I found everyone in the laundry room and a piece of my soul shattered. My older son was sitting on the floor in a puddle of detergent trying to clean up a mess. He looked up at me and in his sweet little voice said "i'm sorry mama I made a mess. I'm cleaning this house for you." GUYS I was wrecked. He could tell that I was frustrated and he was trying to help me do laundry, knew he made a mess and was trying to clean it up on his own before I saw it...
I'm literally crying as i'm typing this out. picked him up and said thank you SO much for helping me baby. This was such a stone cold reminder that our babies watch our every move. I never want my kids to think that i'm mad at them for being kids and making messes. In that moment I can tell you that NOTHING mattered to me more than dropping everything and spending some quality time with my kids. I cannot even put into words everything I'm feeling but the words MOM GUILT comes to mind. I've been so focused on trying to clean the house so they have a clean place to live that I forgot what really matters to them.
My oldest is THE sweetest most loving little boy that i've ever met. He's WILD but he never forgets to yell "love you much" as he is being wild. He will randomly come up and give hugs and kisses and I need to cherish these moments more. Today I caught him trying to change his brothers diaper and again said "I help you mama". 99% of the things he does that make messes are with such good intentions. I really got lucky, my family is perfect in the most chaotic ways. My boys are perfect and today was such a sweet reminder of that.
Next thought... let's talk about my husband. This guy is an actual saint.... most of the time. He drives me insane. Like actually insane HAHA! I actually don't know how he puts up with me. Sometimes I can be an actual CRAZY person and he just lets me work it out and never wavers his love. I'll have to do another blog post on him because I don't want to overwhelm you guys on my first blog post so I should probably wrap it up.
The moral of my day is basically to let everyone know that being a mom is so much harder than I ever realized and I'm so happy that I realized today that I need to enjoy these moments before they're memories.
Thanks for reading